Political Ravings of a Certifiable Card-Carrying Liberaltic

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Debate Analysis - McCain Continued

I have opposed the president on spending, on climate change, on torture of prisoners, on Guantanamo Bay [and] on the way that the Iraq War was conducted. - OK, I know I ended up voting with him on most of these things, but I did protest. Well, I muttered some expletives under my breath, but in my heart I was opposed. OK, We all know I had my heart replaced with a radioactive lump of Kryptonite several years ago, but I'm protesting now.

We are winning in Iraq. And we will come home with victory and with honor. And that [future] withdrawal is the result of every counterinsurgency that succeeds. - If this is success, you don't want to see my failures.

We will succeed and our troops will come home, and not in defeat, then we will see a stable ally in the region and a fledgling democracy. - And unicorns and fairies will greet you with flowers and cheers (and free oil).

The next president of the United States is not going to have to address the issue of whether we went into Iraq or not. - We can ignore history because it's in the past. If we keep hashing out blame about who knew what and when this or that happened, it's going to be really boring when we repeat it, like watching an old rerun of the Andy Griffith show. If we forget it now, it's new every time we do it, right Ang?

Senator Obama said the surge could not work, and it would increase sectarian violence, and it was doomed to failure. Recently on a television program, he said it exceeded our wildest expectations. - He actually said that "even people who support the escalation acknowledge that 20,000, 30,000 or 40,000 extra troops are not going to make a long term difference." and he thought the sectarian violence would increase (which still stands to be seen). "Exceeding our wildest expectations" may not be a good bar for success, but Senator Obama actually added a "but there's an underlying problem here in that the Iraqi's still haven't taken responsibility."

Senator Obama doesn't understand the difference between a tactic and a strategy. - A tactic is something that freshens your breath (cinnamon is my favorite), and a stratego(y) is that game we played back in the 60's that made us want to join the military.

They [US troops in Iraq] said, let us win. They said, let us win. We don't want our kids coming back here. - Because usually congress tries to do things to keep the military from winning, but this time we said, "OK, you can win just this once, but your kids are still coming back here."

Senator Obama refuses to acknowledge that we are winning in Iraq. - Because maybe he doesn't believe a fragile puppet theocratic pseudo-democracy with strong ties to Iran is worth 4000+ dead Americans and 200,000+ dead Iraqis with millions more maimed or displaced.

Our strategy is going into an area, clearing and holding so that people become allied with you. They inform on bad guys. And peace comes to the country, and prosperity. - If we can just occupy the entire world long enough to where people trust us, we can get everyone squealing on their neighbors and peace and prosperity will last forever. We'll call it Snitch-topia! Don't tell anyone.

Admiral Mullen suggests that Senator Obama's plan is dangerous for America. - Which plan? Dangerous like occupying Iraq or more like putting aluminum in the microwave? Who is Admiral Mullen and why do we care what he thinks about Senator Obama? When Obama is CIC, Ensign Mullen can go clean the head.

Osama bin Laden and General Petraeus have one thing in common; they both said that Iraq is the central battleground. - Wow! It's like they both have some kind of reverse psychic power to predict things after they've already happened. Are they twins separated at birth?

But if we snatch defeat from the jaws of victory and adopt Senator Obama's plan, then we will have a wider war and make things more complicated throughout the region. - Zinger! An oldie but a goody. Jaws of victory! Obama plans for failure! Why do you hate America and want us all to die, mister Obama?

If you're going to aim a gun at somebody, George Shultz told me, you'd better be prepared to pull the trigger. - That's why I don't aim guns. My trigger fingers don't work, but with a special handi-capable access big red button I can aim nuclear missiles at somebody. I'm prepared to pull that trigger.

I'm not prepared to cut off aid to Pakistan, so I'm not prepared to threaten it. - If we threaten Pakistan, they might stop accepting our aid? Is this aid some kind of Iran/Contra "aid" deal? I guess Oliver North needed something to do. This is like your Uncle John came to visit and was stealing your stuff and pawning it so you decide not to threaten him because he might go back home.

[Obama] said he would announce military strikes into Pakistan. - Just for the heck of it like lobbing darts at a picture of Robert Downey Jr. Surely we can all understand the desire to do this. OK, he didn't really say this, but it makes him sound kind of crazy doesn't it?

You don't say that out loud [about military strikes]. If you have to do things, you have to do things, and you work with the Pakistani government. - Even if you're invading Libya. Hasn't Senator Obama studied any recent history of the United States? If you're going to invade or strike another country, it has to be a secret like the Bay of Pigs. You don't say it out loud. You don't even admit you did it after the fact unless you were caught. Actually, don't even admit it then. Grenada? Never heard of it? Panama? Nice place to visit, but I'd never send troops there. Falklands? That was the Brits.

Now, the new president of Pakistan, Kardari (sic), has got his hands full, and this area on the border has not been governed since the days of Alexander the Great. - I've been there. I played an intramural football game there. I remember it well even though I can't remember Zardari's name. How can an area be considered "not governed" if it's under the control of the government? I think theres a small three foot square in my backyard that hasn't been governed since the time of Moses.

I've been to Waziristan. I can see how tough that terrain is. It's ruled by a handful of tribes. - OK, I made up that place (from Super Mario IV), but I've been there. I have this wardrobe that opens up to a different world where I'm a King... The tribes are very small. Small enough to fit in the palm of your hand, but the tough terrain is magnificent. Great for your quads. I have three houses there.

We have to help Pakistanis obtain the allegiance of these people. They've inter-married with al Qaeda and the Taliban. - And you thought gay marriage was bad...

And it's going to be tough. They've intermarried with al Qaeda and the Taliban. And it's going to be tough. We have to get cooperation from people in those areas. So we've got a lot of work to do in Afghanistan. - Did I mention it was going to be tough? Lot's of work.

So it's not just the addition of troops that matters. It's a strategy that will succeed. - Unlike most other problems where we can just throw people at it.

And Pakistan is a very important element in this, and I know how to work with him. - Pakistan is what I call the little green man in my head that tells me what to do.

And I guarantee you I would not publicly state that I'm going to attack them. - I would tell them their shoes are untied and when they looked down... POW! Right in the kisser! Why would you be honest and up front about military strikes into Pakistan? Wouldn't you want to undermine our higher moral ground with a clandestine illicit operation. If you tell your allies and the target, "We're not getting any support so we're forced to act on our own," you might get more sympathy, but that sounds like something Clinton would do.

Tomorrow night: Part III - STAY TUNED


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