Political Ravings of a Certifiable Card-Carrying Liberaltic

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

About Me

1. First name?

2. Were you named after anyone?
After aardvark but before the AARP

3. Do you wish on stars?
Only that Johnny Depp. He's cool.

4. When did you last cry?
I ran out of tears two weeks after the Judds broke up.

5. Do you like your handwriting?
Handwriting is for sissies. I use telepathy and I invented the telepathic post-it note.

6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Depends on the time of day, but right now it's roast beef. Mmmm.

7. What is your birth date?
January 31, 1968 - the year of the Tet Offensive, MLK Jr.'s assassination, My Lai Massacre, Russians invasion of Czechoslovakia, Chicago Democratic Convention riots, Paris Riots, beginning of the Hong Kong Flu Pandemic, 231 people die in Sicily earthquake, Prague Spring, Johnson decides not to run and allows the Republicans to regain the White House, Robert Kennedy is shot and killed, Mexican student massacre, French submarine goes down - 52 dead, Israeli submarine goes down - 69 dead, Green Bay wins the superbowl, Volcano erupts in Costa Rica, People can now legaly own telephones and record conversations and use answering machines!, Geraldo starts to grow his mustache, Oil is discovered in Alaska and that crazy Senator Stevens is elected there, Pauly Shore, Celine Dion and Vanilla Ice were born, Yuri Gagarin, Bob Jones Sr., Hellen Keller and John Steinbeck died, Hair opens on Broadway!

8. What is your most embarrassing CD?
I have an Enya CD. Embarrassed about CDs? I might as well be embarrassed about my Barry Manilow action figure set.

9. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Sounds difficult. Do you mean friends with the other person I would be, or are there two of me? Would we have the same name, cause I don't think I could hang with that for long. I think I would get tired of the other me being right all the time. I'm kind of an a**hole so he probably wouldn't like me. If he did, I probably wouldn't respect him. Wait, would I stay the same gender if I were another person? Could the "another person" be a famous person from the past? I think that if the other person was Bono that we would get along famously, but if I had to be that Kathrine Harris, the blue eye shadow would irritate the other me into a berserker frenzy and then there would be a showdown with fisticuffs...

10. Do you have a journal?
Sometimes, but usually only for a week or two at a time and then I get bored just talking about myself all the time. Who would want to read that except me, and since I'm living it, it's all up here (I was pointing to my head when I said that last part).

11. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I tend to use hyperbole and metaphorical facetiousness more than blatant sarcasm. Sarcasm is usually kind of mean and I try to be pleasant to those who are present. Did you ever notice how some accidental rhymes are really irritating when you read them? What connotes "a lot"?

12. What are your nicknames?
They won't tell me. I keep trying to guess, but even if I got it right, I'm not sure they would tell me. They say that I don't need to know, but I think I do. I think I do.

13. Would you bungee jump?
Only in a video game or a dream, but not naked.

14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Now, that would be silly to untie your shoes after you take them off. My sandals don't have laces and my basketball shoes don't go back on if they are tied. 'Nuff said.

15. Do you think that you are strong?
After a good workout, yes. After a good shower, no.

16. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Ice cream is for sissies. I use liquid nails... Oh wait. Ice Cream. I like anything with a Heath bar or bars in it.

17 red or pink?
Pink. Undercooked meat is the leading cause of hair loss in this country.

18 shoe size?
9.5 US, 9 UK, 28 Japan, 44 EU, 270 Korea, 39 Russia and Ukraine, 9.5 Australia, 11 (Women's US)

19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
Negativism is never good for the soul. We should concentrate on the positive. I like my ability to adapt.

20. Who do you miss most?
I miss my wife and kids when I'm at work. I miss my brother. I miss all my family. I wish I still had some tears left to show it. Damn you Judds (except Ashley)! I miss having friends...

21. Do you want everyone you send this to send it back?
Yes, I hope that both of the people I send this to send it back. Wait, one of them sent it to me... I hope that the one person I send this to sends it back to me.

22. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
I prefer transparent pants, but right now I'm wearing the blues with my Stoudemires of course. Amare, you're the greatest!

23. What are you listening to right now?
The drone of my fan in my cube that doesn't drown out the finger nail clipping of my neighbor Doug.

24. Last thing you ate?
A mini Cadbury Flake chocolate bar.

25. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
What kind of question is this? If I were a pizza, I would be bacon and ham. Oinky goodness, but I think I would prefer to not be any crayon. If I were a color I would be either Winsor & Newton's Alizarin Crimson or Holbein's Cerulean Blue although Phthalo Green or Viridian would be ok too.

26. What is the weather like right now?
Hot! It's always hot here. Sunny or hot or both. It's the desert. Mmmm. Desert.

27. Last person you talked to on the phone.
My wife Jennifer. I love you Jennifer.

28. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Is there really an "opposite" sex? I mean we have more in common than we do in difference. Although indifference seems to be a mostly male trait, I refuse to answer this question because it sounds sexist and I suppose it could incriminate me even though I rarely notice the opposite sex, or the non-opposite sex either. What is the opposite of opposite? "Same" doesn't sound right, it just sounds gay.

29. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
That depends on what the definition of like is. I would have to say mostly yes. But if he would clean my car, I could probably like him more.

30. Favorite Drink?
Can you really have a favorite drink? Maybe if you like Ovaltine, but I drink Diet Pepsi because I have to. Some day we may break the bonds of the soda empire, but until we can find a healthy and fun habit-forming drug with a convenient delivery method and negligible side-effects, I'll stick to the caffeine. God Bless You Caffeine!

31. Favorite Sport?
Playing: basketball. Watching: anything with midgets, or football.

32. Hair Color?
Does hair really have a color? If you magnify it 10,000 times, it's almost clear. And if you pass blue light through the hair, then the hair takes on a blue-ish hue. Also, thinking about all the hairs that we've lost over the past 30 years or so, should we talk about the ones that are left as if they were mere objects. Hairs are people too. Can't we all just get along?

33. Eye Color?
Same as hair color.

34. Do you wear contacts?
Do I ever! No, actually I don't, but sometimes I wish I did. I think you must have to be really tough to stick something in your eye.

35. Favorite Food?
Mmmm! Chicken Fried Steak. I love you chicken fried steak!

36. Last Movie You Watched?
Powwow Highway. But thanks, I was trying to forget. If you like Ed Wood, this movie is for you. I mean Ed Wood the director, not the movie.

37. Favorite Day Of The Year?
Every day is a great day here in the Valley of the Sun!

38. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
There are scary movies with happy endings. There are unscary movies with unhappy endings, so there are really four permutations here, I would probably prefer the unscary movies with unhappy endings (like Reservoir Dogs), but between scary and happy, it depends. I really like Amelie which wasn't scary, but I really like Alien which was scary and had a happy ending except that Ripley didn't wake up for a couple of hundred years, but you didn't know that at the end of the first movie. Also you didn't know that she would eventually have a baby alien mother in her stomach or that she would die in a big lava pit and have to come back to life in the crappiest Alien movie of all that was directed by the same guy who did Amelie (my favorite movie). Life has a way of throwing you curveballs, eh?

39. Summer or Winter?
Do we really get to choose? Won't everything die if we pick one or the other? Nature has a way of adapting which happens to be one of my better qualities, but we don't seem to be adapting very well (as a country) to this Nookular winter president. Maybe when he assassinates Hugo Chavez, we'll figure it out.

40. Hugs or Kisses?
Can you really have one without the other? That's like Hardy without Laurel, or bagels without cream cheese, or Bananarama without Siobhan Fahey, unless it's a group hug. I'm not sure kisses would be appropriate then.

41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
The Mohave. I haven't been to many others (that I know of).

42. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?
Data miners and analytic technologists have been trying to find the answer to this question for years. How do you find out who's most likely to respond. And with statistics, it depends what message you're trying to get across. 34% of all people know that statistics can be manipulated to say anything. Or are you asking who's most likely to respond to the drugs they put in our water supply? That's a whole different problem.

43. Who Is Least Likely To Respond?
Respond comes from the French and originally from the Latin to make a promise. So I wonder if this question is about who is least likely to make a promise, or least likely to keep a promise because that's probably two different answers. Of the people who say, "Sure, I'll respond" I would say that a large percentage will respond, but more likely, everyone will not make the commitment to respond and then since there was no promise, there will be no response.

44. Living Arrangements?
Should life really be arranged? Spontaneity is under-rated, or is it over-rated? Is this kind of like that near-sighted/ far-sighted problem where if your far-sighted does that mean you have a problem seeing things far away, or you're more comfortable looking at things far away? Like the righty-tighty lefty-loosy and for every finger you point, there are three pointing back at you (unless you're alone in the dark, or you had some horrible war disfigurement). But I digress... Don't you hate it when people say that. It's like, "but I just like to hear myself talk, so I went on about something that you don't want to hear about for hours and now we can get back to the thing that you wanted to talk about."

45. What Books Are You Reading?
Freakonomics, Mirror Mirror, The Borgias, OFDM and MC-CDMA, The Narnia books, The Zinn Reader, The Great Unraveling - Yeah, I'm a reader.

46. What's On Your Mouse Pad?
Hopefully my mouse unless someone stole it.

47. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
The Daily Show, and two episodes of the Al Franken Show, the beginning of Once Upon a Time in China II (very painful).

48. Favorite Smells?
Chicken Fried Steak.

49. Favorite Sound?
Chicken Fried Steak.

50. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Beatles. Stones are just a bunch of hippies with no talent. The Beatles were a well-oiled machine until that Yoko came along. I'll bet she gave Naomi that hepatitis C. Damn you Yoko!

51. What's the furthest you've been from home?
The furthest I've been from home was when I went to Dover, UK with my wife. At 5342 miles from Chandler that was the furthest physically I've been from home. I won't talk about mentally...